When Life gets on the way: 3 clues to sort it “in”

First and foremost, there is no grammar error on the title. But you should keep reading to know why.

After a freaking long period, I’m back writing to post on my blog. The reason of my absence? Well, the usual. Life goes on. And sometimes, gets on the way.

And despite my best intentions, preparation and commitment, my priorities changed from work to family.

Even though my coaching practice is rather a service than a job, which I do because I love it and feel great doing it, the time I usually dedicate to my coaching business was preventing me of taking proper care of my loved ones. Especially when a crisis arises.

In the spring of 2015 my son was attending college in another state. A dream made true for our family and also a great deal of hard work, even sacrifices that didn’t weighted because we’re pursuing a better future for him and, what my husband and me think about as our legacy to him: an education, a career on his dreamed specialty and the opportunity to access financial independence.

But life got in the way.

My son health had been great since he was a baby: a few colds, no chicken pots or any typical childhood diseases. Being our youngest and almost only son since his older siblings are several years older, we were well prepared: always taking good care of his vaccines, nutrition and prevention treatments.

But my son wasn’t prepared to take care of himself when living alone. So the long days of classes and exercises at the college’s gym, unregularly meals and lack of sleep (I like to think that it was because of his study schedule…) got a toll on my son’s health. And also he discovered on the process that, the career he’d chosen wasn’t the right one for him.

One think lead to another and, right after the last exam of the term, he ended on the campus’ E.R. with a “stress related” crisis.

Needless to say that the hours since we learned he was at the hospital and finally we arrived there, where the longest of my adult life. We flew half country to find him with 20 pounds less, very nervous and ashamed for all the trouble of his emergency and the fact that he will drastically change his major.

I felt partially guilty, since I’m supposed to help people, my clients, even if they are in a remote location, to deal with their personal problems and life challenges. At that moment, looking to my son’s desperate expression and thin body, I shut down. I thought that I wasn’t able to coach anybody else, before I was able to help him. And of course, coach myself.

Yes, my friends! Coaches need to be coached a lot of times. Especially when life strikes in such powerful way, with such a force that make us tumble, doubt about our own abilities and knowledge.

So I stopped blogging, coaching, giving talks or seminars. I simply focused on my priority: heal my son and myself.

A slow, sometimes painful and sometimes rewarding year has passed by. Today my son is back in college near home, completing the freshmen year of his new career choice.

From this year I’ve got a lot of learning, personally, as a mother, even as a wife. And as coach.

Now I’m prepared to share with you 3 key factors that I believe were fundamental for the happy ending of this life crisis.

  1. Let your emotions flow:

When life strikes, we need to react. Depending upon the importance of the situation, people involved, our age and experience and other factors, each of us react differently. And that’s OK! We are only human, and a huge part of our humanity is dealing with our emotions.

In that sense, allow yourself the feeling and the positive expression of your emotions. With positive I mean a way or method of expression that doesn’t hurt yourself or those around you (people, animals, furniture… you know what I mean!)

It’s primordial to discover a positive method to express our emotions. Personally, I cry and also write down my thoughts. You can also workout, paint, shout into a pillow or just talk to somebody, your partner, a close friend, a priest or your personal coach.

Expressing our emotions allows us to release energy, regroup our ideas, and figure out new possibilities. It also provides more information about our deepest thoughts: the fear behind the initial rejection, the guilt or need of help that rooted our failures. Food for further thoughts and transformation.

  1. Examine your options:

During the “flow of emotions” step I described before, we’ve probably confronted new ideas and possibilities. Some might be hard to face, difficult or painful. Some might be liberating. Choose which ones deserve closer analysis. Ask for help; seek the opinion of “experts” (medical doctors, accountants, psychologists, a person that went thru a similar experience, a coach, etc.) Review the costs related with each option, not only in financial terms, but in emotional, spiritual terms, or the health, relationships or job/career impact.

  1. Recalculate your route:

As GPS software uses to say when we miss the ramp, traffic is heavy ahead or any other cause of detour on the original navigation plan arises, we need to redefine our action plan for the specific situation in hand, based on the option we choose to proceed with, in step 3.

It’s important to keep an open and flexible approach while recalculating and taking the new route or plan, since besides the actions inherent to our goal or destination; we should also pay attention to our own emotional process.

Since we are human (again, just in case we forgot) we probably will have some relapses of sadness, frustration, remorse or the like, due to the original bump on the road.

Be prepared to every now and then, check your emotions, determine if you need to get extra courage, cheer, a good cry or simply talk or write about your own emotional process, during the execution of your new action plan.

A lot of learning and wisdom are the result of life obstacles. Be grateful for the opportunity of experiencing them and regain your confidence, self-esteem and faith.

Embrace the new life you will start to build after each and every failure. That’s why I like to say we sort life obstacles in: because they are an undeniable part of our human experience. And I’m totally positive that, obstacles and life troubles are there to help us become better, greater. Divine creations.

As epigraph of this article I would like to share that, in step 2 of the story I introduce at the beginning, I decided to write down my emotions. To understand and better appreciate what I was experiencing, I started to research, to connect with other coaches in person or thru their blogs. And the result is my new book “Living In Gratitude Mode”.

But that’s another story for another time and article.

Love your Life! Love yourself! Blessings!

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Thank you dear reader!

 

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